Conflict Management

COVID-19 and Familiy Tension

Social distancing and self-isolation amid the COVID-19 pandemic put pressures on family dynamics and communication. This is normal for any group of people contained in an area for an extended periord of time. Here are some tips to help your family navigate some tense moments, disagreements, and arguments. These don’t constitute a magic wand. They require focus, effort and practice.

Acceptance: The first thing to take note of is that tension and arguments will take place. Don’t be surprised that it happens to you and your family. Disputes are natural; if we didn’t have them, then there would be no progress, innovation, growth or invention. We’d all think alike and be boring. So, just know that things will get difficult at times. Luckily, though, you can mitigate the impact.

Clenan Up: In a time when control of our daily lives is in question, cleaning rooms gives us some sense of control. Not to mention it is nice to have a clean house (or even a few rooms). We cleaned the kitchen the other day, arranged small appliances, etc. and got a feeling of accomplishment. It affected how we view our daily lives in isolation. This was a bit difficult with the 2yr old running around, but it was worth it. It gave us a boost and made time go by a bit quicker. And, it’s clean!

Don’t Escalate: When an argument starts to get heated, chances are it will continue to heat up. This can lead to escalation. The goal at this point should be to find ways not to make things worse.

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Go over the Five Pillars of Conflict

  1. Position and Interest: This is finely illustrated during presidential debates. How many times have the candidates been asked a question and they never answer it? They either talk about their record, the other candidates, or something totally different. They are positioning themselves to “win” an argument; not to address the question or interest behind the question. Same goes with all of us. We tend to focus on winning rather than addressing the concern.

    Take a step back and look at the situation. What is the interest—what do you want? What do they want? Why do you/they want it? The why is the interest, the position is what do I want and how am I going to get it? It may sound simple, but in the heat of disagreement things gets cloudy.

  2. Remove Toxicity: Obvious examples of toxicity are yelling, cursing, and insults. But other little things can create a toxic environment, which can only add to the tension. Passive aggressive behavior (refusing requests, procrastination, stubbornness), sarcasm, getting the “last word”, and what I call parting jabs (those quick mutterings that are designed to get under their skin) are also examples of toxicity. Most of these come on the edge of emotions and depart from the substance of disagreement.

  3. Don’t Assign Mmotivation:  (This pillar is especially strong when it comes to online communication. So much is lost, or not included, in texts, emails, even video-conferencing).

    A common factor underlying arguments is the unknown; “why did they say that?”,  “why did they do that?”  Our natural instinct is to fill that unknown void, and if we don’t know the actual answer, we’ll make it up. During an argument or disagreement, these made up answers for why someone did/said something alter your perception of the situation and can make a foggy situation worse. So, don’t assume you know the reasons for ohters’ behavior. While not knowing is less than ideal, assuming you know just makes matters worse

  4. Separate Person from Problem: A big one. Often, the person becomes the focus of an argument and not the problem—“you always do this”, “you’re not even listening”. Not only does this escalate the tension AND entrench positions AND ignore the interests, it drives a wedge between you and them, possibly a permanent one. When you sense yourself starting to look at the person in a different light, stop and refocus. When they do it, kindly move the conversation back to the issues (“We can talk about me later. Let’s get to the issue”).

  5. Intent and Impact: Ties in with assigning motivation, but in a way, the reverse. We don’t know why someone did/said something, but we know how we are impacted. Yet, they may not know how we are impacted. If the impact is not communicated (or if it’s dismissed), then tension can increase. So, keep in mind that if something impacts you in one way, it may not have been the intention. And if you intend something, know that it may have a different impact.

Relieve the current status/tension:  Get out of the situation. Go for a walk or a quick jog. Try to release your tension in a safe way. Clear your head. Get out of the oppositional space.

Communicate that you’re stressed: But don’t just walk out.  Inform the other person that you’re stressed and getting upset. “I need to take a walk for a bit. I’ll be right back.”  Or, if that is not possible, “Ok, timeout. I need to calm down. Please give me a little while.”  Maybe take time now to agree upon a “safe word” first (before arguments) When you’ve calmed down, cleared your head, and shifted attitude. When things get heated, use the safe word so that both/all parties understand that a break is needed.

Don’t judge emotions:  “No reason to get angry” is dismissive and minimizes someone’s emotions. There may be plenty to get angry about and no one knows how you feel except you. Emotions are neither right nor wrong; they just exist. They should not be suppressed or evaluated, yet they can be acknowledged and managed. Pay attention to their emtions and yours. Be honest with yourself, at least, and realize when emotions are being neglected.

Apologize: An apology can go a long way. Apology for being wrong, for making someone angry or sad, for getting angry, for yelling. Just saying “I’m sorry” may be ok, but clarify why you are sorry. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I just got angry and didn’t mean what I said.” No blaming

Blame game: Don’t be like the politicians. Blaming just escalates. Sure, someone may be at fault, but how does blaming them get you anywhere? Learn from the mistake.

Seek to understand your emotions: What agitated you? Is it something serious? The way someone said something? Or was it something earlier that just keeps popping up?

Seek to understand their emotions: This may come a bit later because they might not understand their emotions. Then again, in the moment it could be useful to convey empathy and allow others to vent. They could be frustrated because you’re not noticing (or even dismissing) their emotions. Don’t push it and say something like, “I want to understand your emotions, what are they?” Be mindful about how they’re reacting or pushing for something.

Hopefully, these tips can help you navigate home-based difficulties during this difficult time. Be safe. Be kind. Be patient.

Five Pillars of Conflict

The Five Pillars of Conflict support a conflict or dispute against attempts at understanding and resolution. Young conflicts have one or two of these. If unchecked, more pillars tend to arise. As time goes by, these pillars can become thicker and more sturdy, making it more difficult to remove them. But, it can still be done. The first step is understanding each in order to identify them as they are constructed. 

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Assigning Motivation

Many times, we don’t know why somebody did, or said, something (or didn’t), yet we have a need to know. Some inner drive requires an explanation, we just can’t seem to accept “no reason”. So, we make up the reason, and may even make a game out of it. Sometimes, what we conjure up is pretty accurate. Most times, however, it is not. Creating your own narrative for someone else’s actions is bad enough, but it triggers a domino effect. It affects your view of the situation, your perception of the person, your view of that person’s future actions, and the relationship between you and them. Those are just the tip of the iceberg, too. Needless to say, Trust is damaged.

Problem from Person

A common, almost routine, misstep in problem solving and discussion. Once the focus shifts to a person and away from the problem, conflict can escalate. This comes in several forms, from name-calling to ridicule to attacking the integrity of a messenger. Yet, it’s so easy to fall into this rut and difficult to get out as it almost always creates a cycle of personal attacks. Meanwhile, the problem persists, grows, becomes more intractable.

You may find yourself taking personal offense to others’ disagreement to your belief, argument, or viewpoint. Even if they stick to the topic, you may still feel personally slighted. Separate the two internally.

Interest and Position

A position is how you argue; the interest is why you’re arguing in the first place. These aren’t easy to differentiate or identify. Usually, we take a position that we think will win an argument. Debates are built around this format in that participants try to persuade others to accept their argument. This leads to dedication to “winning” and increasingly less attention is given to the actual interest. What you want trumps why you want it. If you win an argument, do you really achieve your interest?

Loaded and Toxic Language

Ostensibly the easiest pillar to identify: Name-calling, vulgarity, personal attacks, passive aggression are a few examples. However, not-so obvious toxicity exists in abundance. Leading and loaded questions, false conclusions, lying, sarcasm, and rhetorical questions can put others on the defensive and reduce trust. A good example is in the question, “where are you going so fast?”  Well, by responding with a location, you’ve just admitted to going “so fast”.  It’s a leading question; leading you to admit something. It takes a careful eye/ear to pick up on such examples. Using such language inhibits open conversation and trust.

Intent vs. Impact

This ties into Assigning Motivation. Intent is something only one person knows. And sometimes, not even that many. We may not know why something was done or said. Knee-jerk reactions, unconscious bias, instincts, etc. can all play a part.  But there is a subtle yet important distinction between what we intend with our actions/words and how others receive them (impact). Many legal jurisdictions understand this distinction (for example, there are 3 different murder charges, plus a couple manslaughter charges, based on intent). This doesn’t mean that any impact is false or unjust—somebody accidentally killed is still dead. Any offense taken is still taken, even if none were intended. But, moving past the incident is much easier if the intent and impact are clarified and accepted.

The People Ingredient: A Craft Brewery's Biggest Threat?

By Jason Gladfelter, Director of Brewery Mediation NetworkThis article expands on the article written by Ed Sealover published in the Denver Business Journal Aug. 5th: "What Ails Colorado Brewing". Craft brewing is (still) booming. The Colorado economy alone sees $1.15 billion from the burgeoning brewery business, and currently there are more than 300 brewing licenses in Colorado, according to the Boulder-based Brewers Association. The craft brew business certainly looks delicious…from afar.Yet growing pains persist. Sure, it has high-profile enemies in the form of big-brewer buyouts, trademark disputes and the forecasted bubble burst, but perhaps the most crippling threat resides within the industry and individual breweries themselves: your crew and you. Internal friction, poor communication and disjointed operations can cost a brewery dearly and even lead to its demise.  If this is uncomfortable for you to hear, good. That means you must keep reading.Every brewery has a People Ingredient, which has two main components: the obvious (people) and the formless (their interactions).  While it is common knowledge that breweries hire qualified individuals, it is also important to keep them, to utilize their skills and benefit from their role and input on the brewery team.  How?  That's a great question, and this is where the tricky part comes into play.Interpersonal interaction, communication and cooperation face obstacles, and the devil is in the details.  These terms are not new, but are taken for granted or misunderstood.  What does communication actually entail?  What are considered "interactions"? And does cooperation mean more than just getting along?The keystone is communication. We must pay heed to what Sun Tzu said: "know the enemy and know yourself." In this case, the enemy is poor interpersonal skills, and yourself is…well, yourself.  How well do you communicate? Communicating is more than using the correct words; it includes listening, understanding the process of word selection, the words you select, your state of mind, your overt and latent emotions, the medium used, knowing your audience, and why you feel compelled to communicate at all.  This is not easy, to say the least. Even the best businesses can suffer from fragile internal dynamics, miscommunication and misunderstandings that can decrease productivity and foster disappointing results.While poor communication and disjointed operations can plague any company, the craft brewery industry is especially vulnerable to these common pitfalls. Many breweries start out as small businesses, without the budget or scope to maintain full-time staff to manage the daily facets and dynamics of internal communications, or install and maintain special systems for grievances and feedback.  Often that responsibility falls on the brewer, the owner, a board member or shift supervisor – if there are any.  And their glasses already runneth over with their primary responsibilities. Furthermore, many small craft breweries are formed by close knit groups where established relationships are plunged into unfamiliar waters. Emotions can affect difficult business decisions, and vice versa, making sticky situations almost immovable and especially frustrating.  Fortunately, there are processes craft breweries can acquire and utilize to prevent and avoid potential internal disasters.In a March 8, 2016 Forbes article, Harpoon Brewery CEO Dan Kenary discussed his leadership lessons and revealed that he and his business partner couldn’t co-exist. Eventually, Kenary’s passion for beer conflicted with the need for profits. He realized the salience of the People Ingredient. His employees became his partners and culture came first.David Lin, Chairman of Comrade Brewing, understands the importance of the People Ingredient. With a background in hospitality management and sporting an MBA, David hires people "who are smarter and more talented" than himself and "there's no shortage of those people."  He applies the age old motto: "treat people like you would want to be treated." While this is great advice with a strong foundation, keeping up its practice in a business setting can be difficult. Especially if starting a brewery involves outside investors.Brewers focus on creating beer they love: Investors and owners rightfully seek return on investment and to keep costs low.  Disagreements and disputes between the sides ensue.  Egos and judgements inflate. “Brewers are not managers,” a brewing industry profession once told me. Add to that its reverse, “managers are not brewers,” and we get a recipe for toxicity and damage.  But they need each other.Or as Tim Myers, Strange Craft Beer Company owner deftly puts it: “being an awesome home brewer doesn’t make you an awesome business partner…breweries that have great recipes but no business savvy have had to find out how to survive.”Myers should know. He spent 18 months in conflict with a Boston home brew shop over trademark and other legal issues. Now he is parting ways with a business partner and friend of 12 years.  “We were a textbook case for everything that could go wrong, would go wrong.” he adds.  “Two buddies going into business together is almost as risky as a couple thinking that having a child can save a marriage!” Myers describes themselves as naïve, thinking they knew everything needed to open a brewery. They didn’t have responsible partner practices, they had no operating agreement and “while we were frenetically running and trying to expand the business, things failed.” He currently spends “too much of his time” negotiating a buyout. Hardly a yellow brick road.“I’m happy we’re still alive,” says Myers, adding that having business experience in one industry doesn’t prepare you for the craft brewery business. He wishes he had spent time and money using business or communication consultants on crafting an operating agreement, as well as a buy/sell agreement.  “If we had written and verbal communication plans in place and had agreed on a set of solutions while we were all on the same page, it would have changed everything.  When forming a partnership, everyone assumes it will be rosy; no one talks about the ‘what if’s.’  It’s not a negative process to plan for the future, it’s looking out and protecting each other.”  One such plan is inserting a mediation clause into written agreements, whereby parties utilize mediation if/when disagreements and disputes arise. Mediation is the middle step between DIY and securing legal advocacy, and it can save time, money, stress and your business.“Failure is a good teacher, instant success isn’t,” so says Bill Eye, current head of Denver's new Bierstadt Lagerhaus. At age 53 he is considered a veteran amongst the younger craft brewers.  Eye is another example of a passionate brewer who had to learn from what he describes as “lost dreams”.  He is emphatic in proselytizing a philosophy rooted in cynicism yet yearning for the positive.   “Too many brewers and business partners become at odds for it to be a coincidence.  Before forming a partnership, you must examine your goals or become victims of circumstance”.The circumstance Eye refers to is the reality that brewers have the passion: they speak and live the culture before ever attempting to make it a career – they go to conventions and tastings and collaborative festivals. They follow their artistic motivations. Then the reality of needing capital causes the search for a financial partner, who naturally wants return on her/his investments. The beer makers want something more esoteric – they want the lifestyle that goes with the beer making:  “I love the feeling of walking around the bar and seeing people enjoying my beer; it’s so validating,” says Eye. “But the investors don’t need that, they just want the beer sold and distributed”.  Eye adds “It’s not wrong, it’s just the reality”.This is where the cycle of incommunicado begins, and it manifests itself in completely different approaches, from day-to-day to long-term.  It leads to animosity, grudges, hazy perspectives, misunderstanding, dropped duties and lost jobs. It creates a culture where money is expected to trump everything and brewers feel resentful and are lead to believe they don’t have value and are not protected.  “Business people can’t be successful without us,” says Eye. “We really do have intellectual property and knowledge that should be valued as much as the money side”.His lessons learned?  Mandatory must-do: operating agreements that are symbiotic as well as balanced (“So I won’t lose control”), goals that are delineated in advance, business plans that are joint-collaborations, and partners who understand with whom they are going into business. This takes intense, interactive strategic planning meetings to discover, understand and prepare for the details of running a brewing business. Not many individuals have all the answers, or even all the questions. Pooling intellectual and creative resources can address this challenge.“There is more than one way to do things; every brewer in the industry has an opinion on nitro beers or Vermont style IPAs. We can disagree at fundamental levels, but the best way to flourish as an industry is to come together and share our points of view,” says Adam Dunbar, Mountain West District Manager for Green Flash Brewing Co. Dunbar loves his position, the company and the infrastructure at Green Flash. But after intense frustrations at a prior position – experiencing what he now considers a lack of communication, confusing hierarchy and vague strategies—he relishes the current family-oriented culture and clear structure at Green Flash. Communication is collaborative (weekly meetings, sharing ideas openly and honestly). He describes fluid working conditions and more of a flat hierarchy, and tools such as a best practices procedures and a manual.  Adam would like to see more in-person brewers’ summits and fewer blog, Facebook and online complaints.  “At the end of the day we will learn something and it will be beneficial. Let’s face it, our brains are wired differently and we should find solidarity in coming together and talking shop.”“Mario”, a self-proclaimed beer geek with a science and business background, entered the craft brewery world believing he could truly pair his academic acumen with his hobby.  Within a few months, he was out. The main reason: communication. “I was a manager yet didn’t know what the strategy was.” Mario sees most of the craft beer industry made of young, non-corporate-trained people. There’s a lack of organizations structure and no communication processes. There is little planning and communication of goals and objectives, making it difficult to impossible for employees to do their jobs effectively.  Mario goes on to say that brewers need to hire consultants specialized in business conflict to train them in planning, strategy, communication and conflict management.  They need to be able to “keep their employees from feeling like they’re shooting from the hip”.  “Sometimes a little corporate-type of structure is a good thing,” he says. His biggest piece of advice: “don’t wait until you need mediation, put in practices to avoid going out of business.” Of course, mediation is always an option.These cautionary tales serve as critical advice, but more importantly they highlight the need to dig deeper into, and understand, a brewery's People Ingredient.  Brewery owners and staff must respect the importance of communication and interaction and the details therein. They must not ignore the ‘soft skills’ designed to strengthen intra-brewery communication and relations.  Talented, artistic individuals and experienced business people require strong communications and interactions to become a symbiotic and successful team.  After all, what can make or break a brewing business is its skill set involving personal interaction, conflict management and communication. But it's tricky once we start peeling back the layers.Communication, for example, has many layers aside from personal exchanges; operating agreements, best practices, team cohesion, organizational structure, planning, strategies and objectives, training and development as well as conflict management and problem solving. Honest feedback and constructive criticism are always "welcomed", but they are still difficult to absorb and provide. It helps to have constant or continual personal interaction, if for no other reason than to keep people connected. Mike Sardina at Societe Brewing outlines some of their practices to foster interpersonal relationships. "We have a staff appreciation day each year, and we sponsor group outings whenever possible.  We have a 'beer with a brewer' program where one of our Tasting Room staff members will go out for a beer with one of our Co-Founders or with a brewer or with me personally." Even if they engage in no shop-talk, these measures help improve interactions.Adopting and honing skills to improve intra-brewery relations, can literally be the difference between thriving and failure. This is a difficult task in no small part due to the personal introspection, criticism and learning, as those profiled have experienced.  There is no shame in admitting mistakes, ignorance or lack of skills. It just means that you're wiser than you were yesterday and can improve.  Not easy; but to quote Sun Tzu again, "…If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every battle; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles." The battle here is against the erosion of the People Ingredient.  Knowing yourself is the first step to better understand, manage and enrich your People Ingredient. And your brewery will thank you for it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Jason Gladfelter is Director of the Brewery Mediation Network and a principal at Oval Options for Conflict Management, an organization that helps business, communities, and families find better options for resolving their conflict through mediation, strategic planning, evaluation, arbitration, facilitation, coaching and training.  He has more than 20 years of experience in team leadership, management and customer relations positions through his extensive work in the retail, sales and training industries. He is a Cicerone® Beer Server, has written over 3,000 beer reviews and is a home brewer.  Jason is also working on implementing a series of Brewer Summits. Twitter @BeerMediation About Oval Options: Oval Options (www.ovaloptions.com) is a Denver-based Conflict Management and Mediation firm. We help clients find the most appropriate method for resolving disputes. Our pool of practitioners covers a wide range of industries including domestic (divorce/child custody), health care, elder care, estate, construction, community mediation, craft brewing & wine, and housing.  OvalOptions is home to Brewery Mediation Network which helps connect breweries with affordable dispute resolution methods. It handles all types of disputes, including the most noticeable (Trademarks) to the most common (partnerships).  The Network also makes available facilitation, coaching, consulting, team building and other trainings to breweries in areas including:

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse

We all face some form of conflict every day. From navigating traffic to deciding what to watch on TV after a long day. Most of these are "flash-pan" conflicts that are usually forgotten in minutes and ostensibly have no bearing on our lives.  Unfortunately, conflicts do not exist in a vacuum; many factors can affect our conflicts thereby increasing their affects on us and others. Like a snowball rolling down a mountain gathering more snow, increasing its size and momentum, a conflict can grow with the addition of several small influences until it demands attention.When conflicts arrive to this point, management, resolution, or reconciliation should be sought to prevent further damage. These efforts are reactionary, and as such (ironically) require a conflict for their application.  But what about addressing conflict situations before they gather momentum? What are those small influences that engorge a conflict?  Let's take a look at six factors that can make matters worse and what their influences can be. In doing so, we can shed some light on how you can take steps to nip conflict escalation in the bud.

  1. Communication
  2. Trust
  3. Emotion
  4. Relationship
  5. Context
  6. Anticipation

First up: Communication ------------------------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Communication

First and foremost is Communication. This may seem obvious, but the devil lay in the details.  Communication is more than a relay of information. Many things impact communication:
  • Choice of words
  •  Volume
  • Proximity
  • Sarcasm
  • Language, culture, nationality, etc
  • Medium (letter, email, in person, etc)
  • External noises
  • Social media (facebook, twitter, reddit, etc)
  • Body language
  • Relationship with other party
  • and Listening (more specifically, Active Listening)

Active Listening signals that the listener is actually listening.  Rephrasing is a method of active listening and is much more effective than saying, "I'm listening".   Most, if not all, conflicts can be attributed to some degree of communication issues.  The basic problem is that we automatically assume we understand what the other is saying, why they are saying it, and what it all means. With the speed of communication these days we spend less time listening and, therefore, do not fully understand the information relayed…but we think we do.Communication has its own importance, but it also extends to the next influence on conflicts: Trust

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Trust

Trust is easy to lose and difficult to gain.  Regaining trust is even more difficult. Mistakes in communication can chip away at trust and trust building. Once trust is tarnished, conflicts see barren terrain through which to run wild. Escalation soars with mistrust. Some say there are many levels of trust: you trust the banker to actually deposit your check, and you trust the babysitter with your child.  Without trust, openness, communication and patience have difficulty gaining purchase, and problems can grow quickly.  Politics is a great venue for us to witness how the lack of trust affects communication and problem solving.  Political ad campaigns, online opinion blogs, television "news" and even Congress exemplify the obstacles that mistrust erects and the tensions it increases.Next: Emotion -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Emotion

Emotion is the known-unknown influence. We know emotions are always involved in conflict. Just which emotions, and how strong they are, is difficult to actually calculate.  This is where communication and trust can help. When emotions are involved, they can override the controls that gauge communication and trust. Open communication and strong trust help manage emotions and understand where they originate, as well as not letting them escalate the conflict further.Emotions can be confusing.  Actions are different from emotions, but they can look the same. Venting, a valuable human technique, can be conflated with focused anger. Silence is sometimes seen as acceptance or indifference.  And so on.  The only way to understand which actions are emotional, and which emotions are present is to talk about them, which requires trust and communication.Next up: Relationship -----------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Relationship

If someone in traffic yells a barrage of obscenities at you, you may get angry, chalk it up to that person being a so-and-so, and go on with your day.  But if your spouse yells at you, then you may feel differently. The difference is the Relationship you have with the stranger (none) and your spouse (intimate).  The more intimate a relationship, the more personal a conflict become is to you. Those close to you can cause greater harm, and you can harm them just as much.Conflicts with those who are close can be volatile and complex, and cause long term damage.  The relationship itself can persuade people not to address problems fearing that they may hurt each other.  This is a common and understandable approach, but can ultimately be damaging.  It is important to note that all of the factors listed here intertwine, and relationships require first and foremost trust and communication.Up Next: Context  --------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Context

Even when you can recognize and manage these influences effectively, there is still the issue of Context.  We are all connected to a complex world.  Situations are rarely, if ever, independent.  Influences on situations can be large, small, obvious or covert. A customer yelling at a waiter for dropping a drink may not realize that the waiter just burned his hand on the hot plate in back. Meanwhile, the waiter may not know that the customer just received bad news about their sick grandparent. The context plays a big role in their behaviors, and the reception of the other's behavior.Sometimes there is a wrong time and place to address a conflict and no amount of communication or trust can improve it. Timing is the least tangible influence on conflict, because it's more of a feeling or intuition rather than an external signal, while place is a bit more straightforward.  A simple example would be a manager instructing an employee in front of customers. Probably not the best time or place to do that, but other situations are less obvious and more delicate.Lastly: Anticipation  -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Anticipation

Sometimes you have to wait for the appropriate opportunity to tackle a problem, and this brings up another factor that can make conflicts worse: Anticipation. That same manager knows s/he has to address the employee sometime and with each passing hour the anticipation grows. Give the mind time to imagine what can go wrong and tensions can grow.  Many times, anticipation for something is more intense than what comes to pass. Having difficult discussions is never easy, but they do not have to be paralyzing and escalating.Often we delay having such conversations out of shear dread, and this allows the problem to fester and linger.  Waiting for the appropriate time is necessary, but waiting too long can add fuel to the fire.  While there are intricacies during the conversation, the hardest part is getting the discussion started. There are other factors that can make matters worse, and they build off the six outlined here.  These may seem rather obvious and simple to keep in mind, but in the middle of an interaction they remain difficult, even for seasoned professionals.  Fortunately, this is where OvalOptions comes into play. We offer assistance with situations where the complexities seem to have the upper hand. For a free consultation, please contact us. -------------

The Crux of the Craft Beer v. Crafty Beer Debate: It's Personal

--To better understand the arguments behind Craft v. Crafty, see links at the end--

There is a heated debate between a few large breweries (AB-InBev, MillerCoors, etc) and more than two thousand small breweries across the U.S. and some other countries.  To get a quick outline of the situation, the large breweries bring in about 90% of beer sales, with craft breweries claiming 10%, but this share has grown over the last decade. With overall beer sales losing out to liquor, malt beverages and wine, big breweries have endured further losses of sales to craft breweries.  As any company would do when they lose sales, they look to change the trend.Craft breweries are enjoying a huge boom.  In a major recession, rarely do we find any company that enjoys profit, and here we have the craft breweries increasing their profits and share of the beer market.  It's quite remarkable. How can the overall beer market lose shares to wine, liquor and malt beverages, AND the biggest breweries see sales down, but have craft breweries grow?  There must be a secret.Many theories exist as to what this secret might be: hand crafted beer, sense of community, better tasting product, etc.  Apparently, the large breweries think the secret is the image of craft beer. MillerCoors and AB-InBev have many smaller breweries under their umbrella (AC Golden, Leinenkugel, Goose Island, Rolling Rock…) or have specific brands under different names (MillerCoors has Blue Moon, AB-InBev has Shock Top).  More brand names under this umbrella are popping up.In countering this maneuver from the large breweries, craft breweries are crying foul, and not because they feel the image of craft beer is being tarnished or stolen, although we'll see how this affects the situation. Craft breweries say that on an unequal playing field--where the big breweries have the advantages of money, marketing, etc--now they are bypassing the rules of the game: selling a product under their own name. Craft breweries are asking the large breweries, "hey, if your product is so good, then why are you hiding it under a different name?  Step up and claim ownership. Be proud of your product".Ostensibly, the debate then is that Craft breweries want open and honest competition.  That they feel the large breweries are denying this. Large breweries counter and say the consumer should purchase what they like.  Craft breweries feel the consumer is being lied to by large breweries, and skewing the playing field.  But this is the business translation of the core of the issue.*At the heart of this debate is that Craft breweries feel their hard work and precious investments of time, money, energy and lifestyle are being taken advantage of by the large breweries.  Ask yourself, if someone took your idea and ran with it at your expense, how upset would you be? Now imagine the person doing this is already extremely rich.  How do you feel?  This is how craft breweries feel.With large breweries using the image of craft brewing, craft breweries feel cheated and robbed. Not about the image itself, but what that image represents; all the sacrifices craft brewers made to establish a small business around their passion. It is an internal assault on their being and this hurts more than market share, shelf space and financial losses. But, in the end, large breweries are correct: consumers will buy what they enjoy drinking.  Who's right is the focus of the debate, but it shouldn't be…a debate.* Some craft breweries will remain outside this debate as their product is distributed by subsidiaries of the large breweries. The three-tier system in the U.S. is a complex machine that cannot be disregarded in this debateDefinitions: Brewers Association   http://www.brewersassociation.org/pages/media/press-releases/show?title=craft-vs-crafty-a-statement-from-the-brewers-associationShort video: CBS http://beerpulse.com/2013/06/calagione-on-cbs-craft-vs-crafty-generated-over-100-million-media-impressions-video/Miller's response:  http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2012/12/12/sabmiller-big-beer-craft-brewers/Another take:  http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2012/11/15/big-beer-craft-brewers/Some analysis: http://cultivatedpint.blogspot.com/2013/02/craft-and-crafty-beer-brewers.html

Magic Hat / West Sixth Breweries Use Mediation for Settlement

Last week, Magic Hat and West Sixth breweries reached a settlement of a trademark dispute without going to court.  According to initial reports, a magistrate judge served as mediator and the official dispute ended within a week.  We applaud both parties for choosing mediation to seek a mutually agreeable solution and avoid expensive, drawn out litigation. The light at the end of a litigation tunnel would have probably seen the demise of West Sixth and severe public blowback at Magic Hat. It is pleasing to see mediation save both from horrible consequences.  More breweries, and businesses in general, should install mediation as a step in their dispute resolution processes and policies.Yet, while these breweries illustrate the importance and prospects of mediation, they also underscore how the complexities of communication, business and social media can escalate a disagreement to the point where litigation seems the only option left. This case saw a flurry of public venom that escalated the dispute further with each social media posting and legal step taken. And with escalation comes position entrenchment, making resolution that much more difficult.This is an interesting case in that Magic Hat wielded one powerful weapon (impersonal legal motions), while West Sixth wielded another (modern social media platforms).  Magic Hat could not sway the public to their favoring by issuing cease and desist letters, and filing lawsuits.  They were quickly seen, and promoted, as a large corporation picking a small family business, bullying them into submission.  West Sixth learned that public statements will not make any difference in court. And going to court could ignite the possibility of losing the case and going out of business.Beyond the clash of powers, it is also interesting to see how each power provides absolutely no help to resolve the dispute. Each time one side would issue a legal motion or post on social media, the dispute flamed on.   They seemed destined for a long, arduous court battle.  But, give them immense credit; somehow they paused along the slippery slope leading to damaging litigation long enough to consider and seek mediation.  That is not easy to do when emotions are simmering, or boiling, and businesses are taking a pounding on social media sites. Kudos to both sides.All of this highlights the importance of mediation and other conflict management processes.  For one, this case demonstrates that mediation can halt disputes from going over the proverbial cliff. When all hope seems lost, mediation still saved the day.  Businesses, organizations and even families should take note that if mediation has not been used, that it still can be no matter how far the dispute has gone or how close litigation seems.Another important lesson from this case is that not by engaging mediation or other conflict management processes from the beginning of the dispute it can result in ugly escalation, with some unmitigateable damages.  Neither litigation nor mediation can fix 100% the damages done to public image, hence the importance of seeking mediation early.  And how important is public image?  Just look at the joint press release; the largest paragraph is dedicated to an “apology” from West Sixth for misrepresenting Magic Hat in public.  That, above everything else, shows how important public image is, and the necessity of mediation in early stages of a dispute.The press release also states that both breweries are satisfied with their solution and will go their separate ways.  While we do not know the details of the mediation, or any unmentioned specifics (attitudes, emotions, etc), it may be a good idea to enter a reconciliation process to address any "bad blood" that may linger, although we cannot recommend a specific process.  Good faith collaborations or meetings can go a long way in assuaging damage to public image, perhaps even to help other parties in similar trademark disputes.  There's a lot left to be done after mediation. All of it is optional and promises little financial benefit up front, but as we have seen in this case, finance is not the only concern.

Slippery Slope of Brewery Trademark Disputes

The Ugliness Surrounding TrademarksIt seems the Strange Debacle was not enough proof of the sensitivity and power of social media. West Sixth Brewing and Magic Hat Brewing Co. are engaged in a trademark dispute that has quickly spilled over into the social stream.  Each brewing company has plenty of supporters and detractors, and many online users denounce both and think the whole subject is ridiculous. And in a way, they’re correct.  How did a trademark dispute end up as a social media firestorm?  What were the reasons for the lawsuit and facebook postings? What was the goal with these decisions? Did the still-ongoing dispute over “strange” not teach these breweries a lesson or two?Now, it would be easy to jump the gun and seek someone to blame, and many are doing so. But this does not address the problem, which is complex. Even if the lawsuit is dropped, or the parties settle out of court, problems will remain.   Sure, the first problem is trademark protection/infringement. A business has a right to protect its label, brand and image. Adjudication can settle this, legally, but has no impact on facebook et al and public reputation, nor should it. Damage to both breweries will continue to accumulate, with most damage done to the larger of the two (Magic Hat) in public relations, and West Sixth in finances.Then there is the problem of communication and relationship. The Craft Beer Industry is one of camaraderie and friendship. This sort of trademark dispute, more specifically the method of disputing, damages these aspects.  It is quite unlikely that, without help, Magic Hat and West Sixth (and their “allies”) will ever be on good speaking terms. A judge cannot make them “be nice”. Maybe they would have never been friends, or close acquaintances, or even friendly strangers, but now they have almost assured they will not be, and that is disappointing.Ostensibly, the mistakes made were filing a lawsuit (which is public) and utilizing social media. Yet, these were symptoms of a bigger problem: dispute mismanagement. A common aspect of which is going to extremes to settle the issue; the best defense is a strong offense mantra. Unfortunately, following this stream of thought overlooks valuable, available, effective and affordable options.Mediation and other conflict management services ought to be considered before lawyering up and unleashing online campaigns. To be sure, these services are still available with attorneys involved, it just becomes more complicated and decreases the parties’ control of the process. When a disagreement escalates beyond private, one-on-one, and personal discussion, the next step should be to contact a conflict management services provider.  Even if they cannot help for whatever reason, there is no harm done. The parties can go right ahead and do whatever they want, whether filing a suit or hitting facebook.  Nothing is lost, and at the very least judges tend to appreciate “good faith” attempts to find resolution outside of court.The folks at West Sixth and Magic Hat still have options before going to court.  Whether or not they try these is unknown. Perhaps they themselves are unaware that such services are available.  That’s why we are here, to help in whatever way we can, even if that means referring parties to other providers. In the end, social media will not overturn legal trademarks, and lawsuits cannot sway public opinion.

Pub Dialogues session 1.4

Congress and You Our 5th session of the Pub Dialogues will be held at Pints Pub and Freehouse July 16th (Monday) from 5:30 - 8pm.  We will be upstairs at reserved seating.The topic for this session is Congress; how are they doing?  How do you relate to Congress, and vice versa?  Is Congress doing enough? Are you doing enough?  This is a good opportunity to rethink our connection with our representatives, with each other, and perhaps with ourselves.   Let the ideas flow!

Behind the Dialogues: Part 4

The GoalThe Pub Dialogues series is our vehicle to highlight that open, honest and civil conversations are possible during difficult circumstances.  We hope people will see how disagreeing with someone does not prohibit discussion, conversation and dialogue.   Honest Dialogue is not easy; it takes time, effort and even some pain. However, the benefits are fantastic for those involved and, indirectly, the world at large.The Pub Dialogues aim to:

  • (Re-) Introduce interpersonal communication skills
  • Help people address contentious topics and understand differing view-points
  • Showcase how people with opposing view-points can engage in constructive conversation without reverting to debate and animosity
  • Bring awareness to the importance of open discussion and its salience with social, political and cultural issues
  • Entice people to have more conversations face-to-face in a civil and open manner (with local pubs and businesses in mind for the setting)
  • Offer an opportunity for people to learn from each other

We want to change the world.  Delusions of grandeur to be sure. Still, we follow a common platitude, ‘if you want to change the world, start with yourself’.  The practitioners at OvalOptions have taken this rather difficult first step.  While we are far from perfect, we turned the focus of conflict resolution skills on ourselves first to view firsthand the changes, understanding and personal development they afford.  Our dedication to these skills is strong, and our passion to avail them to others is resilient.  The Pub Dialogues series is one way we can share our skills with others, for free, and open to all.Part 1Part 2Part 3

Behind the Dialogues, Part 3

The PubThroughout the centuries, people have met at the local pub to discuss topics of importance. The founding fathers of the U.S. met in pubs to discuss the fate of the colonies, allegiance with Britain, and the desire for independence.  These pubs usually brewed their own beer, as did the founding fathers. During Prohibition, these pubs closed, brewing became a lost art, and the communal conversation forgotten.Thankfully, brewpubs are back.  They combine the comfort of the old pubs and the beer styles of a new generation of adventurous brew-masters.  Most of these establishments are small businesses, locally owned, and part of the community.  They make a profit from their passion, and their passion is to make and serve great beer—the social lubricant of the ages.The pub offers a relaxed atmosphere. Some have leather chairs and fireplaces. Others have outside or rooftop patios.  Some offer delicious meals and snacks.  Pubs are a night out, a place to meet people, people watch, and to have conversations.  As the theme song for the 1980s-90s sitcom, “Cheers”, states:

You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

The pub is a safe space where inhibitions are set loose, at least a bit.  And you just might learn something… Part 1Part 2Part 4

Behind the Dialogues...

Part 2: Peace Peace: Two definitions seem worlds apart:

  • the normal, nonwarring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world. (dictionary.com)
  • harmony in personal relations (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Conversation, and the skills it requires, is important to peace. The first definition is incomplete if it does not include the second.  Is “non-war” peace?  For example, it is difficult to believe Syria and Israel maintain a peaceful condition just because their armies are not warring.Communication between possible belligerent nations is vital before unleashing the destructive apparatuses of war and warfare.  The United Nations is a governmental forum where nations can communicate about pressing issues as an effort to eliminate, or at least curtail, war. What about the people?Following the practices of John Paul Lederach and Harold Saunders, we believe that communication is complicated, multi-layered, fragile, and essential for peace, and begins on the personal level. Daily conversations, what we say, how we say it, the words we choose, our tone, to whom we are speaking, and the issues discussed are important in the personal realm as well as the international scene.An antagonistic conversation with someone tends to influence our overall view of that person, and others who share that person’s views.  We may conclude that someone who disagrees with us is an idiot or worse.  The idiot label taints whatever else that person, and those like them, says and does.  It takes effort to have this label removed.  Consequently, we shut down, do not listen to what people are saying, or understand their reasons.  As such, we close off the real possibility of learning something, not to mention coming across as rude (we won’t make many friends that way), and no one will listen to us.  If we ignore learning opportunities, then we fail to communicate, which is the key to overcoming disputes, and thus vital to harmony in personal relations.In today’s world, personal relations extend beyond borders. They are powerful tools for seeing that country as a non-enemy. As like us--human.  As such, we listen to them more, try to understand their perspectives, and wish to maintain or strengthen a relationship.Going from individual relational harmony to international peace may seem a stretch, but harming people we know is more difficult than harming those we do not. This starts with communication, and the skills it demands.Read Part 1 here

Behind the Dialogues...

Part 1: Out of the chat room, into the pub If you have ever witnessed an online conversation that quickly moves off topic and turns into name-calling animosity, then you will understand the primary motive for The Pub Dialogues. This type of online bickering is quite annoying, and when about important topics it gets us nowhere and impedes progress.  Chatter is destroying conversation.  Face-to-face conversation is vital for learning, dispute resolution, problem solving, and progress.Conversations about important and sensitive topics are not always easy, especially when involving opposing viewpoints.  Emotions can run high.  People tend to voice their concerns without listening to others, and engage in debate, where winning is the goal.  However, conversations are not zero-sum; there is no winner or loser.  Just because someone has a different opinion does not mean they (or we) are wrong….or right.During these difficult conversations, it is important to adhere to certain principles or rules. Easier said than done, but skilled facilitators can help. A facilitator is a neutral party who utilizes certain techniques, skills and methods to keep interlocutors on topic, respectful and engaged.  It is important that facilitators capture ideas that emerge (sometimes quite quickly), points of commonality, areas of disagreement, and clarify statements/questions that may be confusing.The Internet has no such facilitator. Online communication is raw, instant and commonly unchecked. This style of communication seeps into real-life situations, where offense, confusion and emotions can increase enmity, polarization and stagnation. Online behavior in real-world situations is ugly. It’s time to return to the social scene and talk. Read Part 2 here

From the Inside Out: First Level Conflict Management

The field of Conflict Resolution has grown in the last 30 years, concentrating on processes such as peace building, mediation, truth commissions, and reconciliation to name a few.  The impact of Con-Res has become increasingly noticeable and its methods sought after. Yet these reactive efforts do not go far enough. Like the old saying goes, Give a man a fish; you've fed him for a day. Teach him to fish; and you've fed him for a lifetime, education of Con-Res skills needs to focus on the individual and daily life to establish a proactive approach to managing conflict.The above services (mediation et al) are enacted as a conflict intensifies, at the cessation of violence, or after it concludes (although this is a gray area).  Damage has already been done, or is accruing. Many people do not possess basic Con-Res skills, which increases the possibility that seemingly harmless misunderstandings will escalate to damaging conflicts, and the need for third party intervention becomes more and more evident.  Effective management of conflict requires personal Con-Res skills, with reactionary services on-board as important back-up procedures.If more people (ideally everybody) were to possess basic Conflict Resolution skills, then many problems, disputes, and conflicts can be prevented or managed effectively at the “first” level, thereby decreasing costs (financial, emotional, relational, physical, etc) of prolonged discontent. It is important to note that this approach will not solve every problem, or eliminate every conflict. Conflict is inevitable and a necessary condition of life; managed effectively it promotes change, progression, and innovation. To take advantage of contentious situations requires proactive measures as well as reactive services.Now is the time to teach, provide, and encourage personal Con-Res skills, especially to the youth and future generations. I see four pillars upon which more advanced methods can be learned and practiced:

  • Intrapersonal Communication: Communication as it pertains to an individual (one side of an exchange).  How language, word selection, tone, volume, phrasing, body language, listening and understanding the audience affects communication.  “How did your leg break?” isn’t as accusatory as “How did you break your leg?”
  • Critical Thinking: Analyzing a situation to better select communication methods, understanding consequences of actions, acknowledging the role of emotions, increase clarity in explaining interests/positions, and recognizing the impact each of these may have on others. Does placement of trash cans inhibit easy access for the sanitation workers? How would sanitation workers be affected if I place the cans in a cumbersome way? How would they react?
  • Situational Awareness: Understanding the context in which conversations, actions, disagreements, and commonalities exist. Should I ask my friend for some money while within a group of people, or in private?
  • Patience: To deal with emotions effectively and efficiently, not jump to conclusions, in explaining situation/reactions/motives/etc. Frustrations and emotions arise in disputes and even common communications. The ability to endure these with a clear (or clearer) head is vital to the resolution of conflict. Is someone going through a difficult time and needs to vent, not really meaning what they say even if it’s offensive to me?

Essentially these pillars become a way of life more so than a way of thinking. These basic skills would enhance reactionary services when they are needed (such as the NFL Lockout mediation). They can be built within the person, preparing them to better manage whatever conflict situation they encounter in their walk in life.  Although conflict management is never easy, people can be more empowered to resolve many conflicts themselves prior to sustaining damages.This education can be applied within public school curricula, personal coaching or tutoring, community classrooms and corporate on- and off-premise training sessions. The lessons and skills can be applied along the broad landscape of human interaction: from space exploration to day-care; from daily family life to business marketing. As long people interact the need for conflict management will persist.